Help
All my life I pretty much had terrible anxiety and a shit ton of depressive and manic episodes. I’m trying to find ways to get a hold of it. The biggest way is taking six months off from school just to get healthier and attempt to feel happiness.
Don’t get me wrong I’m not cutting or self harming in anyway, at least not anymore. I’m happy I have a loving and supportive girlfriend but sometimes she fails to see how bad my anxiety really is. I try and tell her about trigger words or text messages in general. Especially when she says “I need to talk to you” or “I have a question” and then fails to respond back instantly after saying that.
With anxiety and depression and mania comes insomnia and holy hell its 4:25 am I have work at 12:30pm but also moved so I’m farther away from work which ultimately leads me to wake up earlier than I used to. My whole life is shitty and a mess and I know other people have it a million times worse than I do, this is my personal hell though.
Let me know why I’m suitable to take care of a child lol. Joking kinda, it’s my job and honestly in love with that baby girl. Anyways physically I’m fucking exhausted but mentally I feel like a hamster on a wheel going around for fucking hours and nothing I do seems to help in the slightest. Little TMI but I legit even tried masturbating and I still cannot fall asleep.
Not only is this sleep schedule just pretty fucking shitty but now so is my eating schedule and it’s causing me to gain weight. I used to be a fucking toothpick but I’m also a recovering anorexic. Is that even a thing? People will probably tell me it’s not but I was really skinny at one point of my life and I used starving myself and throwing up to help. I should never be proud of it because it’s disgraceful but I lost 33lbs in legit 2 weeks which was amazing.
All good things come to an end. My now girlfriend who was just a friend at the time begged me and kinda helped me get help and I’m forever grateful and the scars on my body remind me how grateful I am that there aren’t an accumulation of them but when I was single I was mainly unhappy as well as happy because I was skinny. I know there is an harder and more work enforced I guess you would say way of losing weight I just seem more of a point of not eating.
My hair was super unhealthy my skin was always chapped and terrible unhealthy I slept more than anything which also increased my depression and manic episodes which then became a revolving door of fucking shit. I have no idea what to do and I’m pretty sure I’m having a hyperactive manic episode right now because my fingers are typing a mile a minute and my brain is in super speed and I don’t even know what I’m talking about anymore. I honestly should go to sleep because I have no clue what the fuck I’m talking about anymore.
Someone help me with any of my problems or all of them if you’d like I mean up to you. Mostly help with the insomnia because that’s where 94% of it all stems. I’m going to try and fall asleep now for the hundredth time. Goodnight
